Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Fatpickle: Top 10 of 2008


"Hello everyone. We are in the progress of starting a new and innovative type of player/fan interaction. This is the beginning of something great. So stay tuned because this blog will be updated regularly." Chris Cooley March 13, 2008.

This is a quote from the first Cooley Zone post ever, and I'd have to say that Chris and Tanner accomplished that and a whole lot more. Nearly 9 months and over 2 million visitors later, it's time to take a look back at the year that was in the land of Cooley. This is the Cooley Zone's Top 10 Blog Posts for 2008. Some of you reading this are newer to the blog and may have missed some of the earlier moments. I invite you to click on the links and enjoy some of the moments that you may have missed. Some of you have been around since Day 1. I invite you to take a stroll down memory lane, maybe take a look at the comments that you have posted. Without further adieu, the Top 10.


The first blog ever, without this one we don't have a Top 10. Over the course of the NFL season thousands of "fans" take this opportunity to tell Chris and the rest of the Redskins organization how to play and coach football. All kinds of advice on gameplanning, preparation, and playcalling. I mean this is a fan/athlete interaction website, right? I think it's in the Wednesday team meeting when the team reviews the comments from this website and make the appropriate changes.

#9 NFL Players are not good at Fantasy Football. Sept 3, 2008 Fantasy Football 2008

Chris lets us inside his fantasy football draft with his teammates. After Campbell drafts Chris, Chris tells him "all you have to do is throw TD's to me and you win." Jason proceeds to ignore Cooley in the Redzone for the entire year.

#8 Chris is getting married and his wife is hot! May 21, 2008 Redskins Cheerleader Turns Redskin Wife

This one is for you guys. Chris tells us how awesome his future wife is, then confirms it by taking pictures of her in her panties, lying in a bed of panties. Go ahead and click on the link
 and go sniffing around.
#7 Do you wear your Cooley jersey while watching the game? While at work or while sleeping? So does Chris! Dec 1, 2008 Football All Day

Chris and Tanner take a comical look at all the haters who think Chris is not devoting enough time to football.

#6 I'm just a common man, drive a common van! June 25, 2008 Taking out the Trash

Chris shows us that even though he's a millionaire athlete, he's just like us. Well.. not really. Most of us enjoy trash service and hi speed internet. Chris lives in a place where he has neither. Nicer, simpler times....Mayberry? Are you living in a Rascal Flatts song?

#5 I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this! July 5, 2008 Feels Good to Feel Good

The Cooley's let us into their summer vacation. We find out that both of these computer geeks have hot wives, Wyoming is beautiful, and family is important. "Be free" and "Feels good to feel good" become T-shirt slogans.


As quickly as he came into our lives, he left. He was just hitting his stride. Check out Vladimir's posts in the month of October. Wowa wee waa!

#3 Why does every swinging dick in Northern VA, DC, and MD have a horrible beard? July 15, 2008 Beard Growing Contest

Thousands of guys walk around with peach fuzz on their face thinking they can win this contest. Wives and girlfriends are turned on for a few days, then appalled for the next month at their man's scruff. Chris Cooley realizes he has superpowers.

#2 All-Pro Football Player, All-State Wrestler? Cooley taps out to Onstar. Aug 13, 2008 Chris vs. OnStar

Well what do you expect if you don't have high speed Internet and you still drive to the landfill? Your probably confused when your truck talks to you!

#1 America's Most Wanted. Wed Aug 27, 2008 Theft of a Tomahawk

Everything comes full circle. Chief Z, the face of Redskin's fans for 30 years had his tomahawk stolen. Within hours the Cooley's had it back. The past meets the present. Just one of the many good deeds and acts of charity that has come from this website.

Bonus Posts - I can't link you to these 2 posts, because they have been deleted. You were either fortunate, or unfortunate to see them.

Chris opens up the Playbook to show us his 4th and inches play.

Chris gets a little ahead of himself and plays a game of "where's Waldo" on the blog. Tanner goes into spin control and late night talk show hosts and amateur bloggers have endless joke material. Google + Chris Cooley is never the same.

Frank Caliendo has nothing on Jordan Palmer.

This video was awesome! In a rookie hazing, Palmer must conduct a team meeting doing an imitation of Coach Gibbs, and he nails it! He masters the mannerisms and Joe Gibb's "quotes", plus throws in funny ass jokes. When Gibbs comes to the podium to conduct the actual meeting, it only got funnier. Alas this post was taken down hours after posting.

I can't remember how I stumbled upon this site? It was probably a late night of boozing which results in Google, IMDB, and Wikipedia searches. I do know why I come back, it's great entertainment! From the Cooley Family to the "general public" who post funny and witty comments. You never know what you are going to find here and that's what makes it so great. A beard contest, a hot chick contest, a WTF..... is that what I think it is?

I look forward to what 2009 brings and wish everyone who reads this the best this holiday season and the best of luck in the new year.

Cheers and Hail

Monday, December 29, 2008

Fantasy Football Champ 2008

When Fred Smoot said this about Matt Ryan, "He's nothin'...he's a pair of shoes" I'm sure he had no idea that he would be facing Cooley's Zornado, led by the rookie QB, in the championship game of the first annual Cooley Zone fantasy football league. But thats exactly what happened and luckily for Smoot, his words rang true last Sunday. The Falcons lost and Ryan scored only 8 fantasy points helping pave the way to victory for the DC Lumber Company.

Cooley had this to say after his 3 point loss in the title game
I felt confident going into the game that I was going to go home with the trophy. I mean who expects Tampa Bay to score -3 points at home against the Chargers? That just doesn't happen. Plus I had Adrian Peterson and DeAngelo WIlliams! I am just frustrated right now...my team let me down...
In the consolation match up, it was the battle of the Manning brothers. If you don't remember from the draft video, Peyton was selected by the girls in the first round. It was a pick that surely paid off as Peyton scored 25 points in the final week leading to an victory for Team Better Halves 90-63.  

So after all that we need to thank Fantasy Trophies and we'll surely do it again next year. 


Fantasy Football Champ from Tanner Cooley on Vimeo.

New Blogger!

We are proud to announce that we have a new contributor to the blog. His name is Rob Lunn or FTG (Fat White Guy). He is a college football player for the University of Connecticut. You can read his blog and find out more about him here. http://lunn65.blogspot.com/ He is going to be a regular here so we hope you enjoy what he has to offer.

What do Jesse Jackson, Doug Flutie, and a few Home Alone Quotes Have In Common?

Time to go bowling (I'm not taking it bowling, I'm not buying it a beer…). University of Connecticut v. University of Buffalo. Seems that everywhere else around the country, teams are going south. Shit, even Notre Dame made its way out to Hawaii (Charlie Weiss in a bathing suit…yahhh). Of course, we turned down our bid to the St. Petersburg bowl, and will be making our way north (Who wants to spend Christmas in a tropical climate anyway?). That's right, watch out Doug Flutie, the Huskies are going to Toronto.

What's not to love? The exchange rate, the people, the lung searing cold? Truth be told, I'm actually jacked up for this trip. Playing in a bowl game is a tremendous experience. And it's a practical home game for me (that's right, I grew up two hours south…in Rochester New York). And as if fallen snow and Canadian Mounties weren't enough, Jesse Jackson is going to be our key note speaker. I can't make this up. Do you think hes a FWG fan? I hope.

One thing I'm noticing is that the story line for this game seems to be centered totally on the University of Buffalo, which is fitting. For years UB was the laughing stock of D-1 football (excuse me, Football Championship Series). Usually ranked about the worst team in America. I mean, they were bad. Not "We'll get 'em next year- bad.", like "Here's your team issue socks, shorts, and number for the suicide hotline-bad." Lets put it this way, Duke might have given them a run for their money.

Enter Turner Gill.

Things changed at Buffalo, and in recent years (according to a friend on the team) they've been "one or two wins away from turning the whole thing around." And guess what? 2008 is not 2007. This squad is very talented. Drew Willy (who kind of looks like that guy from a Knights Tale) is their Gunslinger. And I mean Gunslinger, something like 5 interceptions in over 400 attempts. That's near statistically impossible. Kid is a machine. A fucking machine. So they don't turn over the ball at all, which is what our defense has made its name for, so it should be a great match up.

I know that this game is being sandwiched somewhere between irrelevancy and unimportance (the Army All-American game has gotten more press), and with the BCS games a week later, January 3rd (The International Bowl)probably isn't the first thing on anyone's mind (except for about 200 players from UConn and Buffalo). But here's a few reasons to tune in.
  1. I'm playing
  2. Buffalo's first bowl game*
  3. UConn's second bowl in two years, 3rd in the past 5
  4. Do you really want to watch a bunch of high schoolers?
So tune in, ESPN 12:00pm January 3rd

-FWG-

*The University of Buffalo turned down a bid to their last bowl game (50 years ago), because the Orlando High School Athletic commission (Who?) refused to let their black teammates play. The team voted unanimously to stay in Buffalo and in doing so gave a big screw you those racist assholes.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Happy Holidays

Happy Holidays from the Cooleys.  I love this time of year and want to tell all of you and our family and friends Merry Christmas 2008!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Pack Wars

Chris and Clinton Portis play pack wars with Leaf Limited 2008 football cards. Check out www.blowoutcards.com for more information.


Untitled from Tanner Cooley on Vimeo.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Gingerbread Land

Gingerbread houses are hard as hell to put together. Ryan Boschetti and I bought 4 of them at Costco the other day and figured we would have a competition in the Cooley household (for the last three weeks of the season Ryan and his wife have been hanging out at hotel Cooley). So last night were hanging out around the kitchen and the girls started to put their houses together. They both did a pretty good job constructing the walls and putting the frosting and decorations on. Ryan even complimented them on what a nice job they were doing putting together their "second place" houses.

After giving up about an hour head start I figured I should get down to business. I don't really know what I was expecting, but I though maybe a little super glue would have been nice to get the walls together, all they put in the box was frosting. I guess it works different in Gingerbread Land, but in the real world there is no way to establish any kind of a solid foundation with freaking frosting. Not only was I having a hard time getting the walls to stick together, I kept putting it on the wrong sides of the edges. 

So now I'm over 20 minutes into this endeavor and all I've accomplished is to get sticky shit all over the table and my hands and clothes. 20 more minutes pass and now I'm wiping down gingerbread walls with a rag because I've made to much of a frosting mess to even touch the stupid thing. After one more unsuccessful attempt I had had enough. Two of the walls fell down while I was putting the last wall in place. That's where my patience ended and my temper took over. There was gingerbread exploding off the walls and all over the kitchen floor and in that instant I felt total satisfaction. I was so much more powerful than the stupid gingerbread. Christy quickly brought me back to earth saying, "I sure hope the broom isn't too tricky for you, cause now you have to clean that mess up."

After brooming up every minuscule crumb I decided that there was no way I would concede the gingerbread 4H club. I had learned my frosting construction lessons and diligently went back to work. The fourth time putting the house together was a complete success. I even compensated for the broken half of the roof with a tightly fitting piece of tree.
After all my hard work and dedication, I can now happily say that I have earned the award of first place and a prize blue ribbon making me king of all gingerbread land.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

The Guru: Christmas Wish List

10. Snow - Let's stick to the program here. The last x number of Christmases have been marked by 40+ degree weather, and even some rain and clear skies. Christmas is incomplete without powder, having Frosty parked in front of your house while you are unwrapping gifts and munching on a feast of turkey, stuffing, and egg nog. Let's have 5 inches this year- I feel like sledding.

9. Several boxes of hobby-style football cards - Now, just like CC, I enjoy shredding packs whether in a small card shop downtown or in the comfort of my own home. My favorite card brands are Donruss Elite, Press Pass Signature Edition, and (old school) Action Packed. I am most noted for shredding two packs, getting no inserts and buying the rest of the box. Receiving boxes would solve this problem. All Redskin cards would be saved for future signature opportunities.

8. A Chris Cooley Revolution Helmet - It's no secret around the NFL, Cooley's top is probably the toughest looking by far. I don't know if I could lower it to the position of a coffee table ornament. In fact, I would most likely wear the thing to class one or two days and rock it on game days. The fact that Chris smashed two of them to hell during a couple of the games is just mind-blowing to me. I think a smashed one might be better than the regular one.

7. A new business suit - Hey, it can't all be football. The thing is, I am set to graduate in May (hopefully), and I will need something snazzy to impress potential employers. That being said, it shouldn't come down to my dapper apparel, but appearance is everything. I'm already stunningly handsome, just need the suit to go with it. Maybe I will find some way to incorporate Redskin colors into the suit, or I will just apply to the Redskin office for a job. Hmmm..

6. An iPhone - My provider sucks, my phone sucks, something has to give. I get several emails from different people that say "Sent from my iPhone" I think that's pretty insane, and it has peeked my curiosity on the subject. You always want to be technically savvy. If not, just give me one of those early 90's cell phone that Zack Morris had on Saved by the Bell.

5. T.O.'s voice - Yes, you heard me. Just think, if I had T.O.'s voice then he wouldn't, and we wouldn't have to hear him talk from his ass about his relationship with (-----) . ESPN loves this MTV drama nonsense, and not many people like watching it or hearing about it. So when he was talking to Stephen A. about the whole unnecessary drama, and he was smiling say it was all fabricated by Ed Werder, Sorry, I don't believe him. Even talking about the Boys makes me ill, and I don't want to toss up my egg nog.

4. A signed game-worn CC47 jersey - He can pick the game, the jersey, the ink color, but one framed to add to my wall is a must. I think it is any fan's dream of getting his favorite player's game worn battle gear and getting it inked up. Some of the ones on the CC47 Shop are intense, and just highlight how much effort Chris gives each game. These are a little bit pricey, so hopefully ole man Kringle can come expand the budget (even with the economy) and come through for me. If not, put a couple jersey cards of 47 in those card boxes.

3. The Redskins to win out - Even though things in the second part of the season have not went our way, the players are working their asses off. Seeing the last two games as W's in the column is what I really want to see. And I think every Redskin fan does. It's good to finish strong, just like how we started. And if the Redskins beat the Eagles, my red-headed friend has to dye his hair jet-black. So let's keep that in mind.

2. Season tickets for the 2009 Season - Hey, I can wish can't I? The thing is, even though I enjoy going with my friends and their families or wearing the 47 while watching in my room, the 2009 season would be totally complete with a pair of seats somewhere in the stadium. Yes, I would accept on top of the flagpole. Or maybe I could work something out for a Guru Executive Suite, right next to Mr. Snyder with a big sign alerting to the suite and my signature above it. Back to reality, I expect to make the last home game this season and hopefully numerous next season.

1. A Redskin cheerleader - Speaking of wishing, this makes my number one wish to Santa. If you try and argue with me about this, then make sure you still have a pulse. Yes, all I want for Christmas is a Redskin cheerleader. God bless America. When I am at the home games, I feel like they are all looking at me. For those of you at the games feeling like they are all looking up at the higher level, you are correct in your assumptions. They are looking at section 450.

Needless to say, Santa has his hands full with this list. Hopefully he takes the list one at a time- starting with #3. Let's finish strong!!!

Hail to the Redskins

Friday, December 19, 2008

Mom: Family, Friends, and Football

Football. We love it. We hate it. But it seems like however we feel, we are still there every Sunday watching, hoping, cheering. It can make us happy. It can make us sad. Still every Sunday there we are. The best thing about football is that it brings people together. My favorite part about football is that every Sunday we gather together with family and friends to watch the game either at home or at FedEx field to cheer on Chris and the Skins.

For many of the games we have family or friends come to visit from out of state and attend the game. The first year I moved to Virginia, we had a group of family or friends come to every home game. They came from Utah, Wyoming, California, Alaska, and Ohio. It was always four or five days of entertaining – doing the DC tour, going out to dinner, cooking, but mostly just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. The best day of all is game day! We start planning early, usually the day before getting our tailgating food and drink ready. I don’t think that there are any games that I don’t make yummy jello shots the night before. On game day we pack up everything and head out to the game so that we can be there at least three hours early. Our tailgating food has consisted of chicken wings, burgers, chili, burritos, hot dogs, chips, Woody’s famous Buffalo Chicken Dip or ham and cheese ball, and sometimes even just sandwiches. Drinks have also been fun – soda, beer, Bad Juan margaritas, Pink Panty Pulldowns, B52s, Long Island Ice Tea, hot chocolate and Hot Damn or Butter Shots, and various other great creations to get us going before the big game. Oh yeah, there’s always the jello shots too!

When the Skins play away, we also plan game day parties with family and friends. We usually have the same kind of food and drink, we just gather at someone’s home. Even when there is more than one television, everyone is usually gathered around just one of them cheering, screaming, or sometimes even cursing.

Game day also seems to be the day of massive text messaging. Before Tanner moved here, he and I would text after almost every play. Now I watch the games with Tanner, but I get texts from friends and family all over. Sometimes I never hear from anyone all week, but on game day, let the text messages flow! Even though we’re far apart, the texting makes it seem like we’re all just watching together.

So for at least the last two Skin’s games and hopefully playoffs, make your game days the best! The season is coming to an end too fast. Get together with your family and friends, enjoy the food and drink and cheer your loudest for the Skins to WIN! Mostly enjoy each other’s company. Happy holidays to our family, our friends, and mostly the fans.


Thursday, December 18, 2008

No Pro Bowl for London

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Congrats to the Redskins Pro Bowlers


As everyone already knows, the Pro Bowl teams were announced yesterday. After all of controversy with all the "Vote the Redskins Ticket" promotion only four Redskins will be heading to Honolulu. There was a cluster F of media at Redskins Park today all trying to get their piece of our new pro bowlers. But before things got crazy, I sat down with Chris and asked him a few questions about getting the nod. 

Chris on making his second Pro Bowl appearance: I excited to have been voted into the Pro Bowl again. It's a tough time of the season for the team. It's really been tough the past 6 weeks. However, I feel very fortunate that my peers and the fans felt like I was good enough to be part of this game. It's a little bitter sweet because we're not winning some of these games late in the season. I am however happy with what I've been able to do in our new offense and with Coach Zorn. 

On hanging with Sellers, Portis, and Chris Samuels: I think it will be a blast. We have one more guy going down this year. It was a lot of fun with Chris and Ethan last year and I'm sure it will be a party with Mike and Clinton and Chris. I'm sure we'll have an awesome time there. Even though I'm looking forward to it, we still have some business to take care of here. Hopefully we can win a couple games.

Will Eli and Peyton make a silly brother commercial for the blog? It'll be the Cooley Zone Manning commercial. Hopefully we don't have to pay 'em a million dollars each. 


I also want to say congrats to Mike Sellers, Clinton Portis, and Chris Samuels for getting voted in as well. 

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Box Break with blowoutcards.com

Monday, December 15, 2008

"It's Pretty Bad"

Well, shit.  It's getting pretty hard to keep coming up with something to say about our team.  It's been fun keeping up with everyone on this site, but it's never been harder than now.  We have to face up to what we've created. No one could have told me we wouldn't string together three wins to finish off the season.   It's been a strange season being part of a team that works as hard as we do and seems to care as much as we do, yet has fallen off the edge.

For more than a month I've been at a loss of words concerning what has happened with the team.  I've been a part of this team for five seasons now and I can truly say I am a Redskin.  I didn't grow up cheering for the Skins, but this team is my life. Please trust me when I say I understand what winning means to our fans.  Please trust that working to win is everything to me and I will continue to do it throughout my career here.  Everyone has to be better.  I have to be better.  

On the blog side of things I went with the superstitious attitude last week to no avail. I know, it seems minuscule, but I took the pictures and this was going to be my great after the game post should we have won, so it's up. I had been going for the big hair look this season and was starting to get some length before I convinced myself for a change.  I thought since we had a chance to start fresh and just win three games, that I would start fresh with a new look.  I tried out the mohawk, but it just wasn't quite clean enough for my liking. Again with no bearing on the game considering clean was the opposite of how someone would describe our play. Superstition is bullshit.  Seriously, I just convinced myself again.  



Sunday, December 14, 2008

TC: P90X Update Week 1

After getting such a good response to the first post, I am excited to do a weekly update. Since beginning P90X 10 days ago I have come to realize it is way more than I expected. I am just as or more sore than I was after 2-a-day football practices. So here is my breakdown of the last week and a half of workouts.
  • Chest and Back/AB RIPPER X - If I have ever felt weak before, this topped it. I needed a workout like this more than ever.
  • Plyometrics (from HELL) - Chuck Norris couldn't do this like the guys on the video. If we had done this shit in college, I guarantee at least one lineman death from heart attack.
  • Shoulders and Arms/AB RIPPER X - I officially hate ab ripper x in every way possible. My hips were so sore after the first day and this only doubled it.
  • Yoga/Rest - Rest my ass, I did more rest than Yoga and I was still sweating.
  • Legs/Back - LUNGE LUNGE LUNGE. This was absolute lunging hell. My ass and quads are sore and I have to do it again in 3 days.
  • KENPO - Talk about awkward. It was a good thing no one was around to see me clumsily kicking and punching air. I would have seriously been embarrassed.
  • STRETCH - I needed every minute of this. At one point in my life I was flexible but not this day. Who would think that stretching can make you sweat?
  • Chest and Back/AB RIPPER X - This was all about getting better than last time. It is the same thing but you are supposed to track your progress. I still couldn't keep up with guys on video but I tried to beat my own wimpy numbers from last time.
  • Nothing. This was yesterday I really didn't workout at all. I guess I walked a lot (Christmas shopping). I wanted to use some of my new Kenpo moves on the people at the mall but resisted. I'm too sore to even pick a fight with a 6 year old.
After the last post there were quite a few people who had questions that I didn't have answers to. Maybe some of this will help. If you were someone that is contemplating doing this, I very highly recommend it.

Each workout is an hour and only takes longer if you pause it. As far as the equipment needed, when you go to buy this thing online, they try and sell you tons of extra stuff. Realistically you don't need a ton of stuff. I bought 2 extra things, a door frame pull up bar from Dick's for 30 dollars and 2 dumbbells on eBay for 6 dollars. The DVDs comes with bands so if you didn't want to get dumbbells, you could probably swing it with just the bands.

After a week of no soda, no beer, and no sweets (plus the workouts) I have lost about three pounds. I really am not trying to lose weight as much as I am trying to burn body fat but I don't care to shed some Thanksgiving dinner. I know that I am doing good work because if I were more sore I couldn't walk and if I were less sore I wouldn't be satisfied.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Player Profile: Jason Fabini

We have learned a lot about Jason Fabini the past few days. 
1. He drives a smart car. 

video

2. He was in a major motion picture.
3. He likes short shorts.
4. He is an amazing cook.

Even after learning this there are still many things most don't know about the 34 year old Cincinnati grad. 10 years ago Jason started his career playing for the New York Jets. That first year was the closest he would come to the Super Bowl on a Bill Parcels coached team went 12-4 and won the AFC East but eventually lost to the Championship bound Denver Broncos. Over the next 9 years Jason played for 3 teams, 5 head coaches, 11 different quarterbacks, and made the playoffs 5 times. 

He has had quite a career and this weekend he will make his 128th career start. With all that experience I am hoping he can provide the team with some much needed help upfront. Because as cool as being an environmentally proactive, Hollywood extra with a knack for the kitchen is, blocking the hell out of the Bengals is all that matters. 

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Fantasy Playoffs

The fantasy football playoffs are finally here. Cooley's Zornado holds the top seed after finishing the season 10-4. There is a 4 way tie between teams finishing 9-5 and only three get their shot at the title. Who is out? Well since all five of Fred Davis's losses were to the teams with the five worst records, The Chocolate Assassins will be fighting for the consolation championship. The rest of the the playoffs looks like this, The Better Halves (girls) #2, DC Lumber Co. (Smoot) #3, and Team Red Snapper (Shawn Shizam) #4. 

Thanks to fantasytrophies.com these four teams will be competing not only for pride but also for the chance to raise this baby over their head. 
The consolation bracket is as follows #5 Chocolate Assassins, #6 Lionel Richie Boys (J. Camp), #7 Bulldozers (Reed Doughty), and #8 Cavemen (Sellars). That leaves only Colt Brennan and Santana Moss out of the running. But what can they expect with only 5 combined wins...

So with all this excitement in the air, can the girls continue there reign of greatness in this league? Can Shizam kick his way out of his current slump? If so, he may also be kicking his way out of the playoffs (he plays for the Zornado). This is where champions are made. Who will it be??

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Don't Fall Down Now

19 days before the season ends. "Don't fall down now we will never get up." Right now, it doesn't matter whats happened over the last month, what does matter is winning. We need to forget all the bullshit about who's playing bad, who's hurt, what Clinton said, why our offense can't score points and go to Cincinnati to get a win.It's really up to us right now. Three wins is definitely something this team is capable of. Of course we need a little help, but I think it has to be expected that we will get it. If we can take care of business, like we know we can, we should put ourselves in the last wild card spot. Being in the playoffs is the only thing that matters right now. We just need to get hot and get ourselves in. The playoffs are everything.

So I'm not gonna get down. I know everyone is going to show up and practice their ass off today, because we always do and we're gonna start over today and say "it's just three wins." We are a great football team and if we play like it we will surprise a lot of people this month.

Monday, December 8, 2008

TC: I'm not Gay for Gilbert

So far in out blogging history we have written about many things but two things not on the list are Gilbert Arenas and the Washington Wizards (I am a Jazz fan and Chris really isn't into basketball). So here is our first post about basketball and it covers both. Thanks Mr. Irrelevant via Steinberg for this.

TC: The Smart Car

Sunday, December 7, 2008

20 Questions Part 2

1. You are being executed tomorrow, what's your last meal?
I would go to Resturante Bonaroti in Vienna.  It doesn't even matter what I order, I would just have Sergio (the owner) bring the works and I would eat till I die.   

2. What's your favorite movie made by those early 90's SNL guys?

Tommy Boy is a classic.

3. What are your plans (realistically) after you retire from the playing?

I would like to take a couple years and just hang out, I think that would be awesome. I want to have a kid and I think it would be great to be able to be home all the time with my family. Besides that, I've always wanted to be a high school wrestling coach. Wrestling was always a favorite sport of mine and I remember how great it was spending time with the team. So that is something I can see myself doing.

4. In the off season do you enjoy staying in the Washington DC area, or do you want to get out of town for a month or two? Where do you go?

I live in Leesburg VA.  I think everyone saw our house on the news.  I love Virginia and really anywhere else around D.C.  The people are great here and I have no reason to live anywhere else.  We do take a vacation every off season but the only one I want to make a tradition is Hawaii

5. What is the weirdest or coolest dream you've ever had?

I think I had the craziest dream of my life last week in the hotel before we played the Giants.  I was going house shopping with my dad and we walked into a giant house in a quiet neighborhood.  When we went inside, all the walls had been ripped out and there was a rock band building a enormous stage for a concert.  Under the wood part of the stage they were putting down a six inch foundation of cooked sausage.  The funny thing was that they couldn't get the wood to stay together on top of the sausage.  At one point they had to rip down all the work they had done and start over.  After the stage fell apart they assigned me over a giant machine that was making pigs into ground sausage.  After I ground it up, it went along a conveyor belt where my dad was cooking it.  Then I woke up, weird.  

6. What TV show or movie would you be ashamed to admit you like?

I'm not ashamed of this, but I've seen every season of One Tree Hill. You gotta love Lucas Scott and Peyton Sawyer.  

7. If you could live anywhere in the world for a year, where would it be?

For one year I would like to live like Chris McCandless in America.  I know it sounds crazy, but to just respect the beauty of our country with nothing in your pocket would be amazing. Adventure is the very basic core of man's spirit.  I'm not saying I would give away all my savings like he did, but his adventure was amazing.  

8. For a million dollars would you be willing to not have sex for a year (this is with or without a partner)? (If no, how about 10 million)?

I would have to turn down a million for the no sex thing (Christy would be pissed).  Offer me ten million and Fred Davis might have a new job.

9. If you had a son would you let him be a dancer or cheerleader?

If I have a son I will support whatever he wants to do.  I'm not gonna pretend that I'm ready to spend my Saturdays at dancing competitions, but you have to accept life as it comes. 

10. Where did you and Christy go on your first date? 

Christy and I went to the Fair Oaks Mall for our first "real date."  

11. Chris: I'm a firm believer that you can tell a lot about someone based on what they get on their burrito. Sooo, what is your favorite Chipotle creation?

I'm more of an Anita's guy myself and you can never go wrong with a Hollenback. 

12. What do you do with Christy on dates? I say you do the same as I and every other guy.

I'm sure Christy and I go on exactly the same type of dates as anyone else.  Dinner is very popular, we usually plan for a movie, but get too tired.  We hang out at the house a lot.  The one thing we do probably more than most is spend A LOT of time traveling in the off season. 

13. If Mike DItka and God got in a fight, who would win?

Seriously, God would win. Chuck Norris on the other hand...

14. If you were a porn star what would your porn name be?

The porn star name rules are as applies: Your first dogs name is your first name and the street you grew up on is your last.  Mine is Ryder Lane

15. What is the best locker room prank you have ever witnessed in your entire career as a football player?

Every year in college we played at least one good prank on a senior that was on his way out. We would wait until the last week of practice (no chance for retaliation).  My junior year was by far the most elaborate. The target, a 6'10" offensive lineman named Jim Newton.  His locker was right next to me and it took me three weeks to scope out is locker combination.  When I secured to combo the plan was on.  In Logan we had this great carp fishing spot.  A canal would get shut off in the winter and we could walk to the end of the canal were the last of the water would back up.  As well as the water backing up, all the fish would get stuck and you could just go in with big hooks and snag them.  So we took a couple coolers full of water and caught a bunch of carp and catfish, kept them alive and headed back to the locker room.  When we got to Jim's locker I opened it up and we went to work.  The bottom half of the locker was like a box on the ground for shoes. We took out all the shoes and lined it with black plastic and then filled it up with water, emptying all the live as well creating an amazing live fish tank in the locker. Needless to say, Jim was mad. 

16. What was your favorite Saturday morning cartoon growing up?

My favorite cartoon growing up was always Scooby Doo.  I would watch the shit out of that show.  My mom used to buy the Nila Wafers and when Scooby came on she brought them in with milk and said they were Scooby Snacks.  

17. How cool is it to be an upper echelon player in the NFL?

As a kid I always dreamed about playing in the NFL.  As I got older it became less likely.  I started high-school at 130 pounds and played back up receiver.  I didn't start on my varsity team until I was a senior and when the year began I was supposed to split series at tight end with a junior.  That quickly ended and I had a pretty awesome senior season.  Utah State University in Logan UT. was my only division 1 scholarship offer and I took it.  I don't know if anyone has noticed, but the Aggies don't just turn out NFL draft picks.  I wasn't a starter until my senior season and just like in high school, I ended up having an awesome senior season.  Joe Gibbs drafted me and there was no waiting to be the starter.  Something I will always remember was my best friend Kris calling me a night before we played the Eagles and telling me I was going to be the best tight end in the NFL.  It's not like Kris was Mel Kiper, but it meant so much to me and is something I will never forget.  Now, after all that said and I think it needed to be said for this answer, it's a dream. It's a dream, and it's amazing to be where I am and I have never took it for granted.  

18. How do professional athletes get paid? Do you pick up your game check every week? Is it a direct deposit?

I have no problem discussing the pay thing as a NFL player.  If you want to know how much I or any of my friends make google will give you a pretty good idea in about 30 seconds.  In my recent contract I got paid my signing bonus over three years, the last part being this April.  I get paid my season salary every year over the 17 weeks that we play football.  Every other Friday I pick up a check from Redskins park and I take it to the bank and fill out a deposit form. All the guys do the same thing.  

19. Whats your handicap and do you use hybrids?

My handicap varies throughout the year.   My golf season usually begins sometime in March when the weather warms up.  I don't play unless it's 50 or warmer, golfs no fun in the cold. Anyway, when I start early in the year I'm around a 12.  As the summer goes on I get much more consistent and by July I never shoot much worse than an 80.  I think I could be a great golfer when I get done with football, but when training camp starts I have to quit playing.  

20. Does it irritate players when a fan refers to his favorite team as "we"

"We" are the fan's team.  That's why we are here playing football.  I think it's great to have loyal fans that feel like we are their team.  The only time guys get tired of the "we" thing is when fans tell us what we should and shouldn't be doing on the field.  There is a reason that fans are fans. My job is to play tight end and yours is to cheer loud.  To be the best "we" all gotta play our roles.

21. I heard Chris Carter say, "...over 50% of all players carry handguns." Do you own or carry handguns? Do you believe that over 50% of your peers are gun toting thug wannabies with above the law attitudes? Do you go anywhere that makes you think you need to have a gun with you?

Chris Carter is exaggerating for effect.  There is no where near 50% of players that carry handguns.  I don't even own a handgun.  I do own a shotgun, one that I bought at Kmart when I was 15 years old...for pheasant hunting, but I don't think it'll fit in my waist band. Seriously though, I don't know any of my teammates that tote a handgun anywhere.  I guess they could, but if it was more than a couple guys I would be aware of it.  50% is crazy! I think it's a reach to think of more than three or four on a team that really would carry around a gun.  Finally, there is nowhere I have ever been that I wished I had a handgun.  I know the streets of Leesburg can get pretty rough, but I'm still making it. 

There will be more but this is all for now.

20 Questions Part 1

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Picks of the Week

Sorry I haven't kept up with the picks the last couple weeks, I know I suck and I should have kept up better, but to be honest I have a pick-em pool with Christy and her family and I have done horrible.  So anyone who would have used my picks would have gotten crushed for the last weeks. I mean last week I won three games, really, three games.  So embarrassing.  


Because of a couple generous businesses sending us some awesome stuff, this weeks picks will be brought to you by them.  Trymynuts.com sent a couple big bags of nuts, way good.  I highly recommend the dirty white trash.  Although the boohoobox.com didn't actually send me a case of beer, they followed through and sent some nice beer mugs.  The Green Turtle (mikeswench) sent us some really cool turtles having sex shirts.  Any sex on a shirt is a great idea, but turtles make it much better. Finally toomuchrodbenson.com sent us a couple shirts.  Thank all you guys so much for the stuff.  We love it; it will be cherished.   So we're clear.  No one asked us to promote anything.  There's really nothing in it for us, we just thought it was cool that we got the stuff.  Also if someone did want to pay us for something on this site, we will feel no shame. 

JAC  @ CHI     Bears
MIN @ DET    Seriously the Lions will probably lose every single game this season.  Bummer.
CIN  @ IND     Colts
PHI  @ NYG    How good are the Giants.  They win
CLE  @ TEN    Ten
ATL  @ NO     We gotta have the Saints help us out.  Saints
HOU @ GB     Packers
MIA  @ BUF   Too cold for the Dolphins.  Bills
NYJ  @ SF       Nyj
NE    @ SEA    NE
KC    @ Den    Broncos are so sporadic, but I stick with em every week.
STL  @ ARI    Cards 
DAL @ PIT     It's obvious who I have to go with here.  Steelers
WAS @Bal      Hail
TB     @Car     Goin with the home team.  Panthers. 

Friday, December 5, 2008

Girl of the Month

The offensive line has decided that the Cooley Zone is in desperate need of a girl of the month. After being encouraged for the last three weeks I have decided to allow this request. There was quite a bit of consideration on how this type of a contest would go, but I think we've came to a very exciting conclusion. We will allow all of the offensive lineman on the team to become a panel of judges, so they will be in charge of picking the winner.

Part 2 of this contest will be the politically correct part. The line and I have to decide there will also be a dude of the month winner selected. This idea was created for the female readers on the site who may appreciate it. The winner of dude of the month will be judged by the wives or better halves of the offensive line.

There are specific rules that will make this contest a complete success. 

Rule 1 - No nude pictures will be selected as winners. We've learned from past mistakes of the dangers of nudity.
Rule 2 - Every month will be a theme month. Since this month is December some kind of holiday theme would be a good start.
Rule 3 - No stolen pictures from the internet. We will require at least the word "thecooleyzone" somewhere in the picture.
Rule 4 - Don't rule out a sense of humor as a possibility of winning every month.
Rule 5 - Along with the picture all contestants must submit a paragraph about why they read our site.

Good luck to everyone who enters. This month's contest will conclude on December 26. The winning pictures and paragraph will be posted on December 31. Send all pictures to cooleyfans@gmail.com with the subject "Babe, or Dude of the month."

The winners will also receive a 100 dollar gift certificate to our store. Have fun.

Great examples below


Thursday, December 4, 2008

TC: P90X


When your job is blogging and the only other thing you do besides that is study for the MCAT, it is hard to find time and to be motivated to get in a good workout. So I decided I would buy P90X and update my experience here to stay motivated. Apparently there are tons of people doing what I am doing so I am very interested to see what kind of results I am going to get.  I would love to hear from anyone who has done P90X or that wants to check it out now and use these posts as a forum to share your results as well. I am excited for tomorrow as it will be my first day. I hope it doesn't kill me. 

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Christmas Decorations

I'm learning how big of a deal decorating for Christmas really is. It's no, lets throw the tree and lights up real quick and move on with life. To do any kind of job it's, lets spend at least a day and go to Target and go to Costco and pick out all kinds of fun new stuff, then go home and work our asses off putting up all the shit we just bought. Getting into the Christmas spirit in the Cooley household this year first involved a number of purchases. My first ever plastic tree, as well as a smaller version of said plastic tree, 50 feet of lighted garland, 800 extra outdoor lights, a wooden Santa Claus train, 10 different candles and multiple ornaments. Thankfully I passed on the triple set of lighted snowmen.

Get past spending the money and the store is the easy part. The first thing we did when we got home was put together the trees. Should have been easy, but before I knew it I was laying on my back with the tree falling on me. Those plastic trees are really heavier than expected and it was no surprise to either Christy or I that something was going wrong. After the tree was erect came the highlight of my day. When you buy a plastic tree you get a remote control for changing the lights or turning them off comes in the box. With curious excitement about how long it would take her to figure out I was messing with her, I sat on the couch and changed the light channels on the tree. I turned them on and off, flashed and changed their colors and then on and off over and over, all the while Christy assured me something was completely wrong with our new tree. It was mean, but it was just one of those simple things that made me so happy. 
Once we got the trees all together and hung the ornaments I became Clark Grizzwald. I had the ladder out of the garage and lights all over the place. I was hammering nails and stringing wires all over the place. I know I'm not going to win any awards, but looking out the outside of my house tonight I am beaming with pride over my accomplishments. Christmas is always a good time of the year for me an my family. I don't know what it is that makes me so happy about looking at all the decorations, but I'm sure love em. I mean, probably enough to keep everything up until at least mid January, either that or my laziness will put off taking them down.

20 Questions

So I went to Redskins park today and tried with all I had to come up with something and I couldn't. Chris and I brainstormed for nearly 30 minutes and we had nothing. So we thought it would be a good time for 20 questions to make a comeback. We want to know what you guys want to hear about and also give you a chance to ask whatever is on your mind to Chris and anyone else on the team. This doesn't mean that he (or whoever question is directed to) will answer but we will pick out 20 of our favorites. All questions need to be in the comment section of this post before Friday afternoon. Thanks.

John Stewart Makes Fun of Plaxico so we don't have to

Some things are best said by other people.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Football All Day

This is just something funny for you to watch to help get over the Giants game.